oh it's just the old me

i can't "live" with this "argument" in mind where i haven't had the last word

IF ONLY

i can always be this mad

oh gosh

stop being so dense now

the mysterious i know that you know that i know what you know smile

maybe i should treasure that it's the only thing we have in common. because after all, at least we have one thing in common.

WHAT'S SO FRUSTRATING IS THAT I CAN'T FIND *ANY* PATTERNS!

*hyperventilate!!!*

DO I MAKE YOU HATE YOURSELF?

MAYBE I MAKE YOU HATE PEOPLE IN GENERAL
OR GIRLS
OR HUMANS
OR ASIANS
OR WHATEVER
IDK
BUT THAT'S MY GOAL

this blog looks so pretty on a big screen

the photo in the background is so colorful.

too bad i'm looking to probably replace it though.

don't play dangerous games

how much more do you need?
don't get carried away.

oh, well, if there's nothing different going on anyways...then there's no need to collect more data. it won't be significant unless i get different types of supporting data. yeah.

i hate your eyes

they are so flittery

i smell the morning

there are blinking lights on top of simmons hall. i think they are UFOs

candid. but true. and post it anywhere else, and they freak out.

reposted:

I, for one, do not favor a matriarchal society. In my experience, women are simply not prepared to take over society and still maintain our biological destiny. It appears to me that our roles as nurturers often do not prepare us for that kind of leadership. Its been my observation of the differences between professional women and men that men are better able to handle the stress and have the stamina to take on the leadership role. I work for a large firm. We have a lot of big business and there is always high level of stress regarding one project / deadlines or another. The demands of the job are brutal. We may work over 24 hours at times, or work 16 hours a day for 10 days straight without time off to complete a project. Men seem much better able to handle the stress and have the stamina to produce quality results under such stressful conditions. Most of the women do not and after about 12 hours, the screaming at assistants, yelling at spouses on the phone, constant second guessing and overthinking the smallest aspects of a project begins. I have observed in my 30 plus years of working that in such high stress positions, about 50 percent of the men can handle the demands and about 25 percent of the women can handle the demands. Another issue I see with these "super women" is that many of them cannot handle a chewing out. Lets face it, everyone gets chewed out, whether its deserved or not. The female counterparts cannot handle it and don't seem to know when to just let it go. They often respond by going after their staff when in reality, it really was not that much of a problem. Men seem to know when its important and when its not. Lots of women cannot separate themselves from the situation enough to analyze it and understand.

can you feel a connection to someone you haven't met yet, and haven't talked to?

and then when you meet and become friends with them in real life, you realize that you feel the same connection towards them?

or is that just a coincidence because when it happens, you suddenly remember it, and if it doesn't, you don't think about it? yeah, that could be true.

but it's so interesting. it might have just been my phase, though. my i want everyone to stay young and act young phase. well, guys mostly.

(having read) classical literature is so interesting

because then you automatically get TONS of references. well, you can always cheat and say read the cliff notes version of it, and then you'd get references to the bigger things, but you can't give specific examples that might fit what you're trying to talk about. like, oh this guy's relationship with this girl in this book might be too much of a detail for it to be included in a cliff notes book, but you might find it relevant in life.

i should give code names to people

what code name do you want?

tomorrow is tuesday

i'm less excited.

"if someone doesn't talk to you for 2 weeks, you go crazy over them"

hahahaHAHAH that is so true. but only for certain people, though. otherwise i'd always be crazy, becos obv. there are people i don't talk to in forever..

i'd choose plastic surgery over makeup

because makeup is so much of a hassle, and so fucking unnatural. at least with plastic surgery, you can pretend to be natural. what's the point of being pretty if you're not going to pretend that it's natural? prettiness is for other people. nobody would fucking give a shit about being pretty if we can't see each other. even if there are mirrors.

i mean, you don't look good for yourself.

makeup makes you "hot," it doesn't make you pretty. or beautiful. unless you already are, and even then it might ruin it. kim kardashian doesn't look beautiful anymore even if she once were, she looks plastic as fuck with that three inches of bronzer and other shit on her face. even if she WERE pretty, which she's not, she doesn't look pretty anymore. you can say she's hot if you think she's fuckable, but that has nothing to do with me. i'm not going to be fucking her even if i have the chance to. not that i want to fuck a girl. lol. and neither would you, i'm guessing.

is it so bad that i remind myself of w

at times? it's funny, because when i look in the mirror i'm like "holy shit, i look like w," and when i scroll through pictures once in a while i'm like...scroll back...that looks like w.

am i imagining things, because this sh*t is fucking overloading my head? i really hope so..

oh fucking...fuck..why does t make me insecure ...it's because i don't know ANYTHING about him

i'm so excited!!

i think it might work!!

now just to wait until i graduate college and save up $10,000

ehh jack is getting kind of annoying

now i know why jessica started to hate him, because he can be quite annoying if he wants to be. i guess he wants to be. granted i haven't talked to him in soo long, maybe a month, but still.

you know, life can be described as a series of forgettable, anticlimatic events

one after another.

say, it starts when you're born. hooray! everyone around you is happy. but then your mother realizes that you are a pain in the ass who cries every five minutes, and wishes she never got pregnant. then suddenly you start attending school. for some reason, parents find this adorable, and they cry about it. then they realize that it's fucking 12 years of shipping you back and forth from school and watching you fail your classes. hooray. and then suddenly you graduate from college! how fun. but after that, life kicks you in the ass and you realize that you can't get a job. even though you paid the equivalent of two small houses in the midwest for your education.

i can go on and on. but you get my drift.

So if I wait a while, I have a few choices ((shopping post))

1. I can get a pair of denim miu miu's. Pros: they are GORGEOUS, and they resemble the denim flats that I really liked. I bought those cheap from payless though. I like the miu miu ones cos they have a nicer bow and, well, they're leather and...miu miu. anyways. i shall wear them proudly. I can get another pair of miu miu flats, the black ones with the bigger bow, but i like the denim ones a little more at this time.

2. I can get a pair of MJ mouse flats. those are so fucking adorable and would be like such a statement piece. but like i said, i like the denim miu miu's at this point.

3. 2 pairs of shoes from sdw. Maybe 3. I'm thinking...the diors, the rene caovillas, and whatever else i can find? right now those are the only ones i can possibly find that i liked, plus the tory burch clogs that i'm probably not going to wear because they look kind of chunky (well, they are clogs after all). the diors are cute but they aren't THAT great, and i do like the leopard caovillas, so... yup anyways, i hope HOPE HOPE they come up with a pair of valentino pumps soon!! i LOVE those pumps! very likely they wont but if they do i would be in love <3 i think they usually repeat shoes? oh and i wouldn't say no to another pair of reva flats or miu miu bow flats...they had a pair before.

4. a juicy couture bag, the exquisite tote. i love that idea! i don't TOTALLY love the bag, but hey it's juicy. i haven't bought any juicy bags like ever. i need one. it's my staple. i need to have at least ONE! lol. i think it's cute. i like the gray one.

5. the kate spade bag ughhhhhh.i think its perfect! but idk, i mean, i do want it and all..im not totally feeling it. kwim?

Anyways, juicy certainly has remodeled their site. and now i joined their mailing list; perhaps ill get a coupon or something. also, they took off the generation y tote that i really wanted...i guess i'll just have to look on other sites like nordstrom or whatever. i have ordered from nordies before.. then again juicy does a product turnaround SO fast, it's weird. and they only have the latest latest stuff on their anyways. what do they want, everyone to buy from other sites? idk, i guess it won't be that bad.

I think right now, it's between either the miu mius, the shoes, the kate spade bag, and the juicy bag...oh wait, that's everything. it totally depends on my mood. ugh.

Now if I *had* to choose, i'd get the caovillas. the miu mius. the KS bag, and then the juicy bag. prob not the dior shoes, i'll wait til i find something better there. the miu mius and KS might interchange? but probably not. whatever.

sf is like a little fantasy land

i guess that's normal. it's what they want. but it seriously reminds me of storybooks about, say, for example santa's elves, and everything in that place is labeled accordingly. "elf house" "elf restaurant" "place for elves" "elf shop" "prettiest elf contest" "elf friends" whatever. lol. it's like sf.

i hate it when

classes/professors/psets/labs/tests are a BITCH and then a week later the prof emails everyone apologizing for being a bitch and is like "im super sorry i will grant anyone a two week extension!!" its like yeah should've told me that a week ago.

lol @ 6.02, though. the email goes:
1. sorry for our buggy code. i know that it's our fault, and you all spent a fourth of a day trying to debug code that didn't have anything wrong. and we misled you by saying that the reason none of ur code is working is not because we coded our systems wrong so none of the test codes actually run, but because there's a problem with your implementation. don't get it? that's the part you gotta THINK ABOUT!!
2. sorry we don't have any staff members available to help. i know that everyone needed help and waited four hours for it in the lab. if you know any qualified people, please ask them to consider this job at $10/hour.
3. we'll be nice in the labs for the future!!

well, at least (1) i'm done anyways and (2) it made me laugh

i like "lady orion"

i should use it for my other blog. the one that's slightly moer "serious." not really. but still. i might switch them around, you know. erationality for this. but then people might find this blog and i don't want them to. i'll just go with lady-orion2 for now. just warnin y'all.

maybe i should MAKE an erationality and say, "plz go to this one instead" but that's too many blogs.

to be honest, i'm not half as good at coming up with insults as alex

like, seriously. "you should be sent to a gas chamber?" ok it doesn't really apply to me but that's pretty cool. like if i had to come up with insults for a few people, i wouldn't really know what more to say then "you should die" or "you're stupid." all of which are laaame.

i loved our argument yesterday

<33

oops

back at square one

and there is something i missed. that basically tells me the answer. oops, well at least now i know!!

i'm quite satisfied

i think i know what i'm doing now

for a girl who looks for way too many patterns,

there's certainly a big one that i failed to notice

it's been 3 months

THREE FUCKING MONTHS
SOON IT'LL BE A YEAR. IN LIKE A MONTH. WTF? THIS IS THE LONGEST TIME EVER. EVER. DON'T YOU THINK IT'S LONG TOO? OR DOES IT JUST SHOOT BY?
IT'S NEVER BEEN THIS LONG BEFORE. EVER. oh, well, just let it continue then

WHAT THE HELL

WHY ARE THEY SO CUTE
I HATE IT

LOL harry potter

you know in the fourth/fifth book where there was the harry/cho thing. LOL THAT WAS SO FUNNY because if you think about it, it was like cho initiating everything and harry being confused and yeahh. i need to read those books again. omg.

anyways, it's funny cos in real life the gender roles are usually switched. like if cho were a real girl like most girls she wouldn't be like initiating things. HAHAHA THIS IS SO FUNNY. IF ONLY *ALL* GUYS WERE LIKE HARRY

do i have a right

to be confused??

edit: or am i abusing my right to be confused?

hahahahahaha and i thought you were a good person

hahahahahahaahahaha

i want to talk

i need to talk

i want to need to want to talk

i also hate

nice people

i wonder i wonder i wonder

i wonder i wonder i wonder i wonder i wonder i wonder i wonder i wonder i wonder i wonder i wonder i wonder i wonder i wonder i wonder i wonder i wonder i wonder

I HATE CUTE PEOPLE

I HATE CUTE PEOPLE
I HATE CUTE PEOPLE
I HATE CUTE PEOPLE
I HATE CUTE PEOPLE
I HATE CUTE PEOPLE
I HATE CUTE PEOPLE

BY CUTE PEOPLE mostly include people who are cute together

ugh i hate it when people use fedex?

is it cheaper??? it's so fucking slow!! i hate it. i want my shoes now!!

hmm well at least i know that if things were different, i can have whatever i want

whenever i want. bent over backwards. but things aren't different, yet i still want whatever i want. problems??? :)

SO MANY LITTLE THINGS

IN THE END, NOTHING!!

i dont know what it means...sigh...WHY??

oh dear

i'm sure i can explain all of those things away if i wanted to,

heck yeah i can

smile

:)

the trick to writing quick and good essays

is to actually have shit to write.

well, quick. maybe good. idk.

this is wear outlining and thinking about what to write does help sometimes.

it's late

whooo. i am excited to be starting this essay :D

there's a girl outside my room talking about happiness

and you know what is so ultimately surprising? people can have everything (or at least whatever YOU want) and still not be happy. like perfectly people who look perfectly happy on the outside can actually say, in a serious way, how they don't feel happy. and don't consider themselves to be a happy person. i've come to this conclusion a few times in my life, actually.

it makes me think that i do feel really happy with my life. at least i don't actively think that i'm not happy, which means that i am, in a way.

i can't wait until i get my shoes in the mail

i want them want them wannnnt them =)

i manage to get offended by compliments

like a few years ago we had this health class and we were supposed to write a short thing about everyone

and i ended up getting offended by it anyways

and i think it was more like what wasn't said, than what was said

18.7oo is fucking boring

for now

but travis schedler is hella cool

he kind of tries too hard

i wonder if he knows it? like, does it happen naturally? or is he conscious of his every action?

i wonder how much i'm conscious of.

i really don't care that it means you're a good person

to me, it just means that you don't love me enough

women:

do you find large boobs attractive in some way

have a cold

but i SO wish i can drink cold stuff & eat ice cream

why am i the only one who doesn't see that it's wrong?

because it seems oh so right to me?
maybe if i see that it is wrong the way that everyone else does,
it won't be so confusing to me.

maybe this is the thing that comes before

the thing that comes after

the former of which is the storm
and the latter is the calm

i know the analogy goes the other way but you know what i mean. well, it's sure a long heck of a wait. if you wait any amount of time something good is bound to happen. maybe it already happened.

this is the birth of all religions, if you ask me

Why does it have to be _so_ weird?

Why does it ALWAYS START AND POSSIBLY END LIKE THIS?!

WHY IS IT JUST SO FUCKING WRONG? And why do people have to be so...ugh...good..

I suppose I haven't put myself in other peoples' perspective. But ugh, it's a little bit weird. A different flavor I'm not exactly used to. I don't like it..

I know it's not my fault. The situation is weird as fucking hell. But I still take it fucking personally. Maybe I'm not taking it personally...maybe it's so hard to accept things like this. Even though I've thought I did so many times. Ample amounts of opportunities.

i haven't thought of it that way

i guess it could be kind of weird..

..
.

=/

well, at least they are 0/2

i hope they continue to be wrong
meh. they are probably not

what do you think of people who

responds to their own posts/pictures whenever someone comments? i'm not saying they answer a question that was asked, but like if someone was like "i like this" they would say "thanks!" it kind of inflates the comments and i don't like it, i feel like it could be like inflating their own comments on purpose

ahah

but sometimes i do it, just because. and sometimes i feel like doing it because it seems polite. but nobody cares; it's the internet. right?? :/

when alex said that he was 93 pounds,

i had to laugh. because a year ago i would've been like, that sucks. you should eat. because being so unhealthily underweight is NOT COOL.

but my first reaction now was, "cool!" in a good job sort of way. what does that mean? i'm becoming anorexic ?? LOLL.

i think thinking too much about techniques and

composition and what is supposed to look good because it follows these rules and those rules...

has hurt my ability to see things from a silly "i don't do shit for shit" perspective. like, amateur/super-amateur perspective. a picture can be blurry in all the wrong places and still be beautiful, dammit. well i can like it. it can have a ton of noise and it doesn't have to be the type of noise that we USE on purpose to pretend we're pretending to know all the rules. and it can still look great! something that looks good doesn't look good because it follows rules. i'm not talking about my own pictures. i see other peoples' pictures now and think, "that's underexposed. that's too out of focus." eh what? it's still beautiful. why don't i look at the picture as a picture anymore?

there's something that's wrong with the rule book.

i really need to take more photoss~

1. get out more, take pictures of nature. there (were) some nice flowers in the gardens, not anymore but hey.

2. i have some ideas: saran wrap, tattoos. a broken mirror but i haven't thought of how to do that yet.

i want to take pictures with all of these lighting effects but that's so hard, i don't know how to do it and my camera doesn't actually have settings. i don't actually have a dslr dammit. not that i want one. they are big and don't fit in your pocket. anyways. i have photoshop! but i don't really know how to use it.

plus I LOVE LIGHT BOKEH!! i dont know why it's called that; sounds japanese. but it's so pretty! even before i knew it was called light bokeh. but it having a name just makes it sound prettier. like it's totally done on purpose.

hmm...ok, do critics get harsher or am i just imagining things?

becos i used to post on yahoo answers and i had like these really amateurish photos and they were pretty nice about it. a lot of them didn't answer but they were like hey, for what it's worth, good job. but i look back and i think those pictures are terrible!! haha. so i totally see where they were coming from if they said there was a lot wrong with them. it's like being totally blind to your own mistakes. i look back and i think with an analytic kind of outsider's view and think hah it sucks. but it's only after a while do i stop thinking about it in terms of my own work. "work" haha. it's like looking at pictures of you - school pictures, say. you might hate it but i look back at my 8th grade photos which i totally HATED back then and i think they're cute! they may not be perfect but they are nice! whoever i couldn't see that back then.

anyways, my point is, that people are like "yeah, it's a pretty picture, but WHAT'S THE POINT?" excuse me? what's the point? I WORKED SO HARD FOR THE "PRETTY PICTURE." I don't have time or patience or SKILL to actually give my pictures a point yet!! I'm not at that level!! As long as the picture isn't hideous, I'm satisfied! Ahaha, well, for now. You know. So I guess i *could* take it as a compliment, a challenge, that type of thing. I wonder if it's improvement if I look at my old photos that I used to really like and think "What was I thinking, why the hell did I like this?!" A year ago, a month ago, maybe even last week. Hopefully that means...my sense of style is improving?

I think that a lot of people view photography as an intro-to-arts type of art because it's so easy and accessible just to pick up a damn camera and start shooting. And the "real" (cough, cough) photographers get angry because their art is too dispersed. But honestly I think photography is SO subjective...maybe less than other types of art, perhaps. Well, if you ask any "professional" with a penchant for speaking their mind and being bitter, they'll probably give you tons of different opinions than what your friends will give you. because people i know IRL will tell me much different things about a really bad photo than someone online will. Much different. But then again maybe they are focusing on different things.

theory why people like designer things

because they are luxurious-feeling. down to the every (unimportant) detail. but those details are so lux. like, if you buy a pair of designer shoes, you'll know that from the moment you touch the box. and then you open it and instead of being thrown in with a bunch of tissue paper, it's wrapped up in a nice bag, all neat and orderly. and the box isn't just some cheap paper box, it's a nice thick cardboard box without any rough edges. it's not bumpy or bent in any random way. taking off the top feels like taking off something important. you don't rip it off because that might scratch the box which is oh so important.

the level and attention to detail applies to the product, too. if you have a bag, there aren't any flyaway threads or uneven stitching. this stuff isn't important per se - your bag's not going to fall apart because of slightly uneven stitching, or, say, an random number of stitches per inch or whatever. but when you look at the bag, your eye kind of gravitates to the stitching and it just seems so orderly, kind of like how looking at the golden ratio equals beauty. the nice box and the nice cloth "dust bag" inside aren't really that expensive, so it's not like they make the price of the bag. it's everything combined - the product, the store, the shopping experience - that makes women feel like they are being pampered.

fairytales are for the storybooks

and for other people

and natural is beautiful

uggs look terrible if you have big feet, girls

don't wear them. they look like they're supposed to be inverted the other way. like don't wear boots if your feet look like they're bigger than the length of the boots!

actually, big feet just look bad!! it shouldn't be allowed. girls only cos all guys have big feet.

the shades broke

i tried to pull them back up

sitting in the athena cluster

waiting for the fucking printer to print 1 page every 5 minutes (noo fucking exaggerration) actually leads to more productive work than sitting in front of my blog/email/ebay/whatever. especially since for some reason on the computers there my email/ebay/blog are blocked. wth??

spending all of that time has seemed to paid off after all

even if i don't believe it. it wasn't the perseverance that got the best of it...it was more like knowing when to strike and where. i guess that goes with a lot of things even though they teach you in elementary school that patience trumps all. It's true, but it's also inefficient. They don't ever teach you to be "smart." smartness isn't exactly a character trait, at least not one of the desirable ones.

do top department stores even know what they're selling?

Like, what if Jimmy Choo and Ugg came up with this absolutely hideous pair of $600 shearling boots. with embroidered stars all over. you get the picture. that's what im thinking about. So nordstrom/bloomies/saks carries both JC and uggs but wtf would they carry this?? do they have a deal? because that kind of cheapens their image i think! like i would think that macy's wouldn't care but do they get to choose which products to carry and which to not. but i suppose it's fashion, and usually in fashion, somebody thought it was a good idea and put it out so somebody else will probably like it/buy it. And even if it's ugly as hell they put if off as modernesque fashion.

i pulled down the shades

so i wouldn't have to see the sun coming up the next morning. it's like 6 now and i peeked outside it's pretty fucking dark still. i guess that's because of the new wintertime. a month or two ago it would've started to light up around 4. which always makes me angry when i have to sleep late or procrastinate sleeping until that late because i hate sleeping when the sun's up! LOL. it just reminds me of how much i procrastinated sleeping.

well, time to sleep now.

the people who advocate eugenics

are either (1) people who really don't fucking have a clue what's going on and what it entails, but thinks that it makes them sound elitist and fancy-sounding. Like, i'm so genetically superior...let's kill off the masses because they don't deserve to live. doesn't that make me feel better?

or

(2) people who, once again, don't know much. the same person can have a TOTALLY different view of something like this if one little thing was different and i'm not talking about that person's race or religion because obviously in history those things are very big changes. like if a father has a child that has a disease then he wouldn't be advocating killing everyone with genetic defects (like that would work, lol, i guess these people also don't know much bio). but if that same person was not exposed to something like having a child like that then he might not see a problem with killing them off for the "betterment" of society as they like to put it.

i was reading the stormfront thread for beautiful women

and what i noticed is that they seem more attracted to women in a kind of old-fashioned way. they liked the fuller, "fatter" women...like full hips and body...a round face without too much makeup, natural-looking hair that's not too long or too straight. and they are very straightforward about the fact that the women who bear the healthiest children look like that. kind of interesting. i looked through the pics and a lot of them are pretty but most of them are ugly. and of course they don't really post pictures of celebrities. but the uglier girls in my opinion get picked out. i guess they don't like the gaunt, angry-looking girls with chemically dyed and straightened hair plus all of that makeup and scanty clothes. it's like they have a totally different sense of beauty, but maybe not, because that forum is known for trying way too hard. it's interesting to note, though, and it kind of makes sense, too.

God says, "be patient"

its not over yet.
just keep waiting for it
in other words, follow the yellow brick road
until you get to the wizard

but whoever said there was an end to the yellow brick road? just like how there is no end to the presence of numbers in our lives

and now i'm seeing things

if you don't want time to pass as quickly as it does,

if you don't want your weekends to fly by at the speed of time,
just pick up a book and start reading! i find that studying helps slow down time. like, i would've totally thought it would have been 6 oclock already (it's still 5), just by my usual sense of how time passes. granted, that means i spent some hour and a half reading six pages, but still. if i had used that time, say, browsing the stupid internet instead, three hours would only feel like one. so studying actually increases your number of hours per day!

so if you don't want to get older
and if you don't want a certain day to approach (like an exam or a midterm, or graduation...you know)
and if you don't like how your time just flies by
a simple cure would be to do something like math problems

if you want to know how i'm like when i'm happy, sad, ... whatever

just imagine me when im blogging about happy, sad, ... whatever things.
and then you know exactly how i am
and then you might understand me

Jessica is wrong

i really like alex

are you reading this alex?

I AM SO HAPPY TODAY!!

WHY AM I SO HAPPY TODAY??

like i woke up and was like i could be sad but it doesn't even affect me. like i couldn't even think of anything to be sad about. and the only things that i could be sad about, i couldn't even finish thinking about them. because there was like this barrier that kept it from entering my brain! yay!

LIKE HOW MUCH CLOTHES DO I NEED?!

i always say i need to fuck off shopping and save for other things. that i might want. that are more expensive. like i want a new handbag for christs sake and i want shoesss. and i can't just buy those i gotta wait. but then in the meantime i buy a lot of useless crap used for filling up my already teeny tiny closet. it's already so fucking small dammit! i hate this.

like i just bought 2 pairs of so low's. i LOVE so low's. i know they are so old and only really look good in teeny tiny xsmall girls that are 5 feet tall. and that they were so middle school. well not really i see people still wearing them. but yeah they are actually really pretty. i have a black, grey, blue, and dark blue pair now. i loveee them even though they might be considered slutty. oh well. oh, and i saw a girl wearing a pair and she was pretty fat. no i dont think that looks good, lol. i can be mean and say you're ruining a pair of beautiful pants. LOL. just kidding. i mean it's like wearing tights. seriously.

anyways so low's are not marked up quite as fucking high as juicy sweat pants. which look cheap, but feel great. i know. but they are not worth $120!! i need more of those too. hahaha. i totally have so much room, not. maybe 1 more *innocent smile*

i am such a little girl

yoga class is surprisingly refreshing

i know it's not called yoga class, but we do yoga-esque activities. actually, we do very basic stuff...but it's still refreshing in a good way. like a get out and do something way. and what's funny is that i actually start to sweat because of it, and i don't ever really get any exercise in where i start sweating regularly. I know it might have sounded like a bore and a waste of time before. but it's a nice break. yay!

it says,

"don't give in."
don't forget
not yet

you know, why not?

i like the fact that i have all of these experiences. even if it's just me. i wish it could be more than just me.

wow i love the veronicas!

their music is catchy on the first try unlike so many other songs. plus i love female lead singers.

ohh i didn't know that the music in the beginning of "untouched"

by the veronicas are played by violins. i thought it was some weird cacophony but yeah that makes sense that they are violins. i guess it makes me like it better.

anyways the song is good, if only in the middle where it actually sounds good.

i hate how mossimo sounds like moschino which kind of sounds also like missoni

because the first one is like by target. and the last two are expensive brands.

ugh, it confuses me. it's confused me more than twice. these italian people. why do they like the same vowels and sounds so much.

i should study, and if i study today, i should either go shopping or go to theta xi

idk why there are so many frat parties now (oh wait i know, becos its like initialization weekend). so i should go to some of them, because after this there will not be any anymore. but i dont want to run into certain people. but thats ok, i really dont think they'll like theta xi.

thats all contingent on the fact that i'm not too lazy, though. perhaps i should go to the prudential center instead so it's closer (across the river). i mean i can still return my sephora purchases there. and they have a much better selection. mmmf why not. idk.

ugh i remember when i really wanted there to be a party and it was like well wait til halloween! hmphh. now it doesn't even matter.

if i had one bag to buy, which one would it be?

I'm surprised to see that a chanel cambon tote is around the same price as a balenciaga first. If i were to get a chanel cambon, i would probably want in black - on - black, because seriously black on white or black on a light color would be...too much. I just like the black on black even though it's so black. And even though I already have black bags, this one is just so different. It's so...more shapely and combosed. Hobos are totally different. I think variety in shapes of bags is SO much more important than variety in color or size. I always like my bag to be about the same size. And i hate super big bags anyways.

Anyways yeah, I've almost always wanted a cambon since i saw them, cheap ones on the street no less haha. the design is so beautiful! the leather looks so luscious. and they aren't like that expensive. i mean a classic chanel flap is like $3 or $4 thousand, seriously. And those are much uglier i think.

But I do want a balenciaga first, too. and I made up my mind as to the color: lilac, or some form of blue. I don't care that they tell me that lilac is too fancy and bright a color for a first balenciaga bag. I'm not going to be a collector of balenciaga, so i'll buy what i want. i'm a collector of bags at most and i do have all of my neutral bases hit. plus, i think lilac will go well with most of MY wardrobe. LOL.

So i don't really know what i want. what's preferable?

i do keep seeing 314

like, i just saw another one. right when i almost gave up that it wasn't going to lead to anything. right when i almost gave up that NOTHING is going to happen. that somehow the MAGIC DIED. maybe it's not over yet. maybe it's like LEADING UP TO SOMETHING. usually even if it's iffy i still find something that it has "pointed" to. so it will come? and it will be big? i hope so. damn i hope so. i was so sure of it that it didn't even matter to me that fucking magic doesn't exist and that i was going to pull something, SOMETHING out of a hat if it didn't happen. because i was just so confident that it was going to work. well, why don't you work now, dammit.

Chocolate milk in a half-gallon carton is so good!

It's convenient, too. And cheap. $4. Unlike buying those yoohoo or nesquik ones that cost $2 and are like 3 sips each. I hate it when I drink out of small bottles that always seem to empty RIGHT before i'm fulfilled. then i have to keep drinking them, endlessly. Because I'm never quenched. MAYBE it's a marketing strategy!

just to leave things in the past

I guess memories are memories, and they are in the past for a reason. I need to tell myself not to force something out of nothing, or to force another story out of an ending. There's a reason most Hollywood sequels suck compared to their successful predecessors, isn't there? I guess this is all a fancy way of saying: it's over. Forget about it.

Blah. How can it be over? Don't be stupid. This is how most things end. They end with fucking time. Because they are not important enough. Namely, I am not important enough.

I guess I would've done anything to be in this position a year and a half ago...even more two years ago...so fuck that - I should be happy. I should realize that it could be worse. Just like it will be, if I don't fully realize that it could be. Funny, huh?

Maybe it will help if I think that if it was weird, and I mean weird weird not why aren't you doing what i want you to do weird, than it was at least special. Then we'll just leave it at that. It was special wasn't it? At least in four years we'll still be all smiles. And maybe a few memories. But it couldn't have been that special, because all it took...was a summer.

what i think about some designer handbag styles

Chanel: ladylike and smooth lambskin. large logos on empty canvases.
Gucci: lots of logo'd print paired with cheap thin brown leather. that looks like pleather to me. or logo'd leather which i absolutely don't get.
Louis Vuitton: Lots of LV's. on canvas. Or their like 2 styles of non-monograms. On canvas. Or shiny plastic-coated leather. And lots of limited edition pieces with a twist on the old boring monogram. Still boring (and most of the time ugly; i hate the color combos. seriously)
Bottega Veneta: seriously, i don't get it? I've only felt this brand a few times in stores but it doesn't seem at all lush to me. The woven leather was, like, STIFF AND HARD. I don't care how good the quality of the bag is, the designs suck and the woven leather doesn't even feel good.
Dolce & Gabbana: lady-like random satchels without really a theme. But lady-like and nice leather.
Prada: Lots of nylon. Lots of folded leather. Lots of plaques/small logos. Looks kind of plasticky, even if real.
Miu Miu: Nothing really. Just the coffer bag and the bow satchel. I know they have lots more but nothing really strikes me as a theme. Maybe nice colorful leather.
Balenciaga: Tassels, braided handles, and the same-looking bag in all different sizes and colors. Lots of colors. Also, sort of "unfinished" looking leather - aka leather that doesn't look shiny.
Hermes: Old women in fur coats. Pebbly leather. I hate pebbly leather.
Chloe: a ton of unnecessary hardware, compartments, and extra pieces of leather used to connect parts of the bag.
Kate Spade: Boxy, squarish bags.
Coach: Shininess. At least, now. Before: brown monograms.
Juicy couture: lots of bows, velvety peeling flowers, and unmatching colors. Also logos that look bad by themselves but even worse because they chose the absolute worst contrasting colors to use.
Valentino: Large use of supposed "girly" things: braids, bows, sequins. And more bows. Shiny-over-the-top halloween style girliness.
Jimmy Choo: Nice, pretty hobos of the statement less is more. Although some of their bags remind me too much of Chloe.
Versace: the medusa. and medusa-inspired fashion. 'nuff said.

don't you hate it?

when you have friends and you are really mad at them, and you want them to know that you're mad at them. and you try really hard to be mad at them, and it's actually really difficult. but then they DON'T NOTICE because they don't care. its like you put in sooo much hard work being mad at them. but they don't care and don't notice. or do they? maybe they notice but don't care. either way, maybe i should stop being friends

i kind of wish that blogger lets you WRITE the post first before you publish it

because then i can write more freely and then decide LATER where to publish it. not like "oh i'm writing it in a public blog so i can't say that or i gotta think about this before i write it" and all. then it kind of stifles what i'm trying to say.

sf has gotten less offensive and more boring

although it's still a very great procrastination tool.

Racism is still funny but the conservatism is kind of like *roll eyes*

quote:

And if homosexuality was in any way normal they also would not have to demand equal rights and such. Same with blacks.

If you are a normal person, you already have those rights. That is why whites and heterosexuals have always had these rights...they are normal and so is their lifestyles.

lol. what?

i think that most of the time they at least try to make sense. and this sort of makes sense, but, like, not really. LOL.

somehow, weekends don't seem like weekends anymore

just because my schedule is so screwed up and sometimes i'd rather even have classes. but now it's like thursdays + fridays are like weekends and after that i'd have to do psets because they are due right after. so i think that thursdays are my favorite days now.

you know, i used to wish on 11:11

because they said to do that
and i never got what i wanted, so then every time after that when i saw 11:11, i would think about what i wanted, and i would make a list of everything i wanted to wish for in my head. and then i would wish for nothing.
and afterwards i would get nothing
so maybe i should start wishing for things again